Some Ways To Know Your Software Project Is Doomed




1.       Management has renamed its Waterfall process to Agile Waterfall

2.       The company starts hiring consultants so they can take the blame

3.       You product quality control is a checklist go through which you mostly ask yourself "Why this module doesn't work"

4.       You start considering a new job so you don’t have to maintain the application you are building

5.       The lead web developer thinks the X in XHTML means ‘extreme’

6.       Ever iteration meeting starts with “Do you want the good news or the bad news…”

7.       Progress is now measured by the number of fixed bugs and not developed features

8.       Your best and only friend is the janitor

9.       Your best developer's education is just an A+ Certification

10.   You do not understand the acronyms DRY, YAGNI, or KISS; but you do understand WCF, WPF and SCRUM

11.   Every bug is prioritized as Critical

12.   Every feature is prioritized as Trivial

13.   Project estimates magically match the budget

14.   Developers expresion ’self documenting code’ is used instead of 'commented code'

15.   Sometimes you believe compiling is a form of testing

16.   Your manager can be easily replaced with an email forwarding rule

17.   Your team believes the transition from VB6 to VB.NET will be ’seamless’

18.   The phrase ‘It works on my machine’ is heard constantly

19.   The last conference your .NET team attended was Apple WWDC 2000

20.   Your manager does not know how to check email

21.   Your manager spends his lunch hour crying in his car

22.   Your lead web developer defines AJAX as a cleaning product

23.   The sales team decreased your estimates because they believe you can work faster

24.   Everyday you work until Midnight, everyday your boss leaves at 4:30

25.   The team members believe the merge algorithms in source control are black voodoo magic

26.   The client continually mistakes your burn-down chart for a burn-up chart

27.   Now it physically pains you to say the word – "Yes we can do that" or give an estimate

28.   Your teammates don’t refactor, they refuctor

29.   To reward you for all of your overtime your boss purchases a new coffee maker

30.   Your project budget is entered in the company ledger as ‘Corporate Overhead’

31.   You secretly outsource pieces of the project so you can blog at work

32.   A Change Control Board is created when your product isn’t even in its first alpha version

33.   Daily you consider breaking your fingers for the short term disability check

34.   The deadline has been renamed a ‘milestone’… just like the previous one

35.   You bring beer to the office during your 2nd shift

36.   The project manager is spotted consulting a Ouija board to decide what to do next

37.   The client will only talk about the requirements after they receive a fixed estimation

38.   The boss does not find the humor in Dilbert

39.   All performance issues are resolved by getting more modern machines

40.   The project has been demoted to being released as a permanent ‘Beta’ version

41.   Your car is towed from the office parking lot as it was thought to be abandoned

42.   Your timesheet looks like a Viking-Lotto ticket

43.   Throughing a coin is the best way to decide

44.   You know exactly how many compile errors your IDE can show as a maximum

45.   You have cut and pasted code

46.   Broken unit tests are deleted because they are obviously out of date

47.   You have a status "90% complete" 90% of the time your report your progress